The Curse of Being Me

Now, to be entirely honest I didn’t really want to write this post. In fact, I still don’t want to write it, but I’m going to do so anyway. That in itself is strangely fitting, as it relates pretty well to the rest of what I’m going to write.

I think of myself as ‘cursed’. I don’t actually believe in the supernatural and all that, so I guess I should clarify that I’m using the term metaphorically. In essence, what I’m trying (and failing miserably) to express is the misfortune I find myself experiencing on a daily basis. This comes in many different shapes and sizes. One form – something that I’ve mentioned on numerous occasions – is my habit of overthinking everything. On one hand, you might think – and I often try to convince myself – that it isn’t possible to overthink anything. That’s what I tell myself on good days. In reality, however, of course it’s possible. The problem comes in that nobody cares about the amount of thought I’ve put into anything. When you’re living in a world where people don’t value your opinions, and nobody else thinks about things quite as much as you do, there’s very little point in acting in such a manner. Why don’t I stop if I think it’s a worthless cause? Quite simply, because I can’t.

Another problem I have is throwing my energy and efforts at other people. Okay, so that isn’t really a flaw, but it often comes as my expense. The ways in which I act have a negative impact on my life, and lead to frequent periods of… well, I guess fear, despair, sadness, loneliness, etc. I think that’s where the real ‘curse’ kicks in: I can’t help the way I act, the way I do things, and it always leaves me short of where I want to be. I suppose this post is quite ironic, coming only a day after I wrote an optimistic, inspirational piece. Yesterday, I wrote about being the best person I can possibly be, and how it’s the best way of doing things; today I’m admitting that that sort of life isn’t all sunshine and happiness. Does this, therefore, undermine my previous point? I certainly hope not. I just feel the need to talk about my weaknesses from time to time. It just acts as a reminder – to whom I don’t know, but a reminder nonetheless – that I’m only human.

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